Saturday, January 29, 2011

I only cried once today

I am a complete clusterf*ck of emotions. Part of me feels like I should just "get over it". I mean I only knew I was pregnant for 3 weeks, 3 amazing weeks. I never had a single pregnancy symptom except the fact I was super emotional but my husband would argue that I always am. I even feel like I got out easy on the m/c. The pain wasn't unbearable and I didn't bleed nearly as much as I had heard others do. I think that hurts me too cause I feel like I never even got far enough into my pregnancy to have a real m/c. It's almost like I had a drawn out chemical pregnancy.

I really wish I had an answer why this happened. I almost feel like I knew it was going to happen. Like my positive pregnancy test was just a horrible joke. I never felt pregnant, I never felt like it was really going to happen.

I am completely devastated.

After one normal cycle we will try again but I know that all the excitement that comes with freshly getting a positive pregnancy test will now be taken away with horrible anxiety. It will be taken away with Dr appts and blood tests and anxiously awaiting better results than we got last time.

What will I do if this happens again?

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